The day job is stable, though as of December, I was forced to undertake new responsibilities due to a co-worker being out on disability. This has meant working weekends. The work, at least, is not hard or very stressful, just dull. But I received a year end bonus. But my health costs triple next year.
My father's health has shown a steady decline that is snowballing as of late. Unfortunately, his decline has been debilitating for his caretaker, my mother. I have never seen her so tired. At 76, she should not have to exhaust herself doing everything for him. It's hard not to resent the man, especially since he takes all she does for granted.
Daulton remains 50% appetite, 25% purr, 25% tyrannical overlord. Which is adorable, really. Twenty years...my longest relationship is with a cat. But what a cat. He makes me laugh (and swear) every day. But when I think of the cute little murmurs he makes while sleeping, I know that there is something good happening nearby.
I had zero dates in 2011. I don't think I attended any social events, parties, either. Wow. Another gay failure. And three sexual encounters, all of them deeply disappointing if not downright insulting. I regret every one. I don't know if I should just give up... but then, considering how little effort I can muster into socializing with other gay men, maybe I cannot do better. This, more than anything else, depresses me despite medication.
Oh, and the medication. So many new pills. Nexium for GERD. I really should go back on the statin, but I stopped because of finances. I cannot fall asleep unless I take Xanax. I think I need to go back on Ambien. I was forced to double the milligrams of Pristiq because I was still depressed. Now, I am more maudlin. I would ask for something to boost my mood, but the ads for Abilify scare the heck out of me.
Lethe experienced some ups and downs, the latter mostly being some part-time volunteers who were helping me decided to retire or cut back on their work. So, I was left with either finding freelancers (expensive), learning InDesign myself (impossible without the costly program) or cutting the forthcoming schedule in half. I had to do the latter. Some authros were understanding. Some howled. Sorry, but, really, Lethe boils down to a one-man operation. Sadly, I wanted 2012 to be devoted to more writing. Instead, I will have to be doing more Lethe work to take up the slack of the loss of volunteers.
That said, the ups for Lethe were darn good. We had 6 finalists for the Lammys, tied for most with Bold Strokes Books, which is a much larger operation. And we won for Sandra McDonald's first story collection, Diana Comet and Other Improbable Stories. That felt momentous.
Last night, as I lay in bed, I realized that I should feel a measure of satisfaction and...well, not pride, but some other positive emotion that I could not label...at fairy godfathering many books in 2011 through Lethe. Here are some I am especially glad we released (in no rational order):
Additionally, I was able to sign many exciting books for 2012 release: Brit Mandelo’s anthology (and first book!) reprinting terrific genderqueer spec fic; Catherine Lundoff debut novel featuring an older woman as the protagonist; a short story collection from Hal Duncan, among others. We also released four more issues of Icarus, which really hangs by a thread with such a small subscription base. It’s a labor of love.
Lastly, my writing… sigh. No new novel, despite a few people asking, pleasing, demanding me to write another one. I did edit a book of LGBT inspirational YA fiction, Speaking Out, which has earned some nice praise. A far as short fiction, here’s what I accomplished:
I also sold another gay YA anthology to Bold Strokes Books: Boys of Summer. In fact, this weekend I have to finish my story for the book. Sigh. 5k more words to go.
So, that’s been my year in a ramble.